A Radical Sabbatical

There’s been so much drama in my life these days and sometimes I wonder whether its because I have more time to focus on it being that I’m on a sabbatical.  Sibling relationships can be so complex, especially when there are elderly parents involved.  Everyone wants what they think is best for their parents but no one is on the same page.  I don’t ever want my kids to be in the position that I’m in now with my siblings and my parents.  It’s so stressful and it rips whatever connections u have, apart. 

Although my parents are very fortunate to have each other and still be in their own home at the age of 89, I sometimes wonder, is this the best we can do?  They are nowhere near independent, they have to have two people with them at all times to care for them.  And though my parents are alive, they are fragile physically and mentally.  I can’t imagine what its like to be 89 and I’m not so sure I want to.  

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I have to admit, I actually found it very relaxing to shut off my hearing aid (and since I have no speech discrimination in the other ear), the sound of silence, and of course my tinnitus, was a welcoming change.  I decided to brush up on my skills for the silver jewelry making course and so I went to the Y to do some benchtime.  It’s awesome to be so hyper focused on something.  I’ve never had this experience before except for maybe when I’ve been involved in a relationship..lol.

There were other people in the room doing very advanced work.  Occassionally, someone would be staring over my shoulder and I could sense a question being asked.  I would turn on my aid and state I have a hearing loss. Naturally, the response always seems to be, “oh, I’m sorry.”   Why are people sorry? I’ve stopped apologizing a long time ago for not hearing so don’t be sorry or feel sorry for me, just rephrase if I can’t hear you…..lol

My sabbatical is truly turning out to be radically great.  I’m so enjoying everything I’m doing and learning and I am certainly learning alot of new things.

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What’s the purpose of research, if when you go to read it, it seems as if its in a foreign language?  My assignments this week were from the Journal on Autism Spectrum and the DSM IV handbook.  Maybe it’s me? But I keep rereading the paragraphs and feeling as though I’m not getting it. 

While checking things out on google, I came across the readings I was assigned in “laymans” terms.   Really, it said, article in “laymans language.”   Now what I don’t understand is if the Professionals are writing papers of interest for others to learn from and/or work within their client populationtion, why aren’t they writing in language that can be understood by all?  I’m sure there are parents out there who have autistic children and want to learn about the different techniques developed in working with this special population.  How is a parent to understand? Must they rely on the Professionals to explain it?  Wouldn’t it be nice to have parents come to a meeting prepared with questions after researching the different methods themselves?  or maybe, I’m just reading the more complicated material…lol

It’s all so strange to me.  This semester makes last semester look like disneyland.  I’m still hoping to have fun and learn something new.  Call me crazy!

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Graduate courses are so much harder than undergrad.  I can’t believe the difference in the course work  and the notable difference in the student population.  No sneakers, thats first..lol.  I guess most of the students are coming from work.

The Professors expect so much more and there are no tests. Just very long papers that I learned must be typed in a certain format otherwise they won’t accept the work done and will not return it to the student for corrections.  YIKES!  Can’t help but wonder how I ever made it through my Masters back in the 70’s? It’s all a blurr to me.

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Well, I’m all registered and ready for college classes again. Though not quite as excited as I was back in September, however, I have a wonderful schedule which has me attending only one day a week for four hours. NOT BAD, HUH?

Once again, I find myself worried about hearing in the classroom, having to tell the Professor I have a hearing loss and struggling through the semester no matter where I sit. The rooms are bare and metal all over the place, making accoustics horrendous. Life as an individual with hearing loss is not easy at any age. It gets to the point where repeating that u need someone to repeat/rephrase becomes pointless sometimes.

Yes, I know there’s CART and interperters. I’m just tired of all the emotional energy it takes to hear, not listen but to hear what’s being said. I’m a lousy lipreader and always have been. Hearing is biologically different than listening. They are two different animals.  I guess, I’m tired of fighting battles for me.

After my jewelry making class on Monday, I was literally drained from being so hearing focused on the teacher. It’s so difficult to explain this to people who are clueless and have “good” hearing. Although my friends understood as they know me very well and also felt that the person speaking from his office (in our classroom) made it difficult for me to hear the teacher.

Since the cold weather started (or since I’ve returned from the warm weather), my tinnitus is blasting away in my left ear. I just wish it was playing a good tune rather than the ocean roaring combined with radio static. Kind of puts a dull momentom on things as well as makes it difficult to focus on speech.

Kind of hard to believe that in the 21st century, the medical profession and the hearing aid industry can’t come up with something more exact for us. Cochlear implants are not appealing to me but I am not against them. Hearing aids are still foreign but help to a degree.

We can scan the world and spy on other countries with satelites, communicate thru emails to the other side of the world in real time, we can replace peoples hearts, kidneys and liver. In some cases, we can even give sight to the blind. So why can’t they make our ears hear?

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 Attended my first silver jewelry making class today and it was truly exciting. It’s a nice, small class size and the teacher and students all seem very nice. Learned how to saw copper today along with cutting big pieces of metal.  I can’t imagine the finished products the teacher has planned for us, but I’m anticipating lots of creative energy in the classroom and I’m excited to see what I come up with.

I love being in the city. It’s educational and just great for people watching.  We had lunch at a very lovely place on Madison Avenue and I’ve never seen so much plastic surgery in one room…nor have I seen so many animals being worn in a long time.

The city certainly has alot to offer. I just wish I had an apartment in the city and of course the money to go with it because its not cheap to visit the city, let alone living in it.  I guess its all relative.

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I have been without a computer for the past 24 hours and let me tell you, its as though my life has been turned upside down.  I am currently on a temporary laptop that Ed put together for me until my new one arrives (sometime next week).

I have no idea and no recollection of what life was like pre-computer age.  What did I do with all my time?  How did I communicate?  I felt as though and still do without my regular settings on the computer, as my life has been cut off from the mainstream.

I feel the same way everytime I lose my cellphone…lol.  I mean, wow! imagine not being able to communicate with family or being able to reach someone NOW?   I thought about this yesterday as I was driving on the highway and realized I left my cellphone at home.

Of course, on the only day I leave my cellphone home does my car start acting funny.  That’s all I would have needed.  My car to die in the middle of a highway and I have no cell to get help.   I wouldn’t even be able to call Ed and say, HEY, open up the back door for me, I have groceries or its pouring out….lol   To be without…….I guess its all relative.

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I cannot believe I suddenly feel as though I should be at work since it was a three day weekend.  For the first time since my sabbatical began, it’s strange being home without any plans but to unpack from my vacation.  Yes, that’s right, I haven’t unpacked yet and I returned last week.

Classes don’t begin until January 30th and I only have to attend one day a week.  I also decided to take Jewelry making at the Y in Manhattan which should be a great experience.

So, the wait.  I am waiting patiently but am also feeling I will never survive going back to work.  I want this to be the longest year I’ve ever had.  I want to remember this year forever.  Naturally, I’ll get back into the daily routines returning to work but I so don’t want to go back.  So for now, I won’t think about it. I’ll enjoy the wait for classes to begin, the wait for things to happen or making things happen.

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Finally got the last of my grades for the Fall semester.   drum rolllllll please!

Waited a long time for my Spanish grade. I am happy to say I received an:

A-

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Life is good! cruising is my favorite way to vacation.  One thing I have to say for cruise ships, they are on time, no delays, no baggage that gets lost, the service is wonderful, the food good and the booze everywhere.  Activities, activities and more activities onboard.  It never seizes to amaze me how the staff keeps smiling.  Of course, there were some draw backs.  For example: stomach viruses from the first day out at sea.  Of course it didn’t put a damper on vacation until they announced we had to clean our hands from room to room (the ship provided the supplies) and they didn’t allow the passengers to take their own food in the buffet areas.  It got really interesting when toward the end of the cruise the Captain claimed virus cases were down but now they were providing us with tissues to push the elevator buttons with and we weren’t allowed anymore library books or games to be taken.  

Okay, okay, so now youre saying, oh Pearl, that doesn’t sound like fun!  but it was.  It was still fun.  I came this close  <> to winning a cruise for two, this close <   > to winning $100,000.  Trust me, it was fun.  I love sitting by the pool getting a tan, listening to the band, drinking pina colada’s then pulling into some Island and going snorkling.   What more could u want?  There were lots of people to talk to if you’re lonely and lots of drinking buddies to be found.  If you just wanted to sit and read, you could.  I actually read three books during the eleven days.  More than I’ve read in the past three months (except for anatomy).  

At the same time, it feels great to be home again.  Cruising is so different from flying.  For one thing, I don’t feel exhausted at the end of a cruise as I do after a plane ride.  Sitting in an airport for three hours before you even go anywhere is not my idea of fun.  Anyway, gotta go catch up on my snail mail, email and parents.

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