Archive for the Hearing Loss Category

WOW! This past January was a year since my mom passed away and in two weeks, it will be a year since my dad passed away.  I still feel the tears when I think of them and have gone to the cemetary several times to speak to them.  But most of all, I went with my daughter several months ago to tell them that Sharon (my daughter) is engaged and that we will miss them terribly when the wedding comes this June.


I’ve been to several shiva calls over the past year and yes, I’ve come to some sort of agreement or terms with the fact that I will die, eventually.  I consider myself extremely fortunate to have a roof over my head, a husband I love, children who have graduated college and that we are all working.  I feel lucky to be cutting it. 

Not to say that things don’t get rough sometimes.  But we have to put things in perspective.  Okay, so I can’t vacation whenever and wherever I want to or I can’t give my daughter the type of wedding she might be dreaming of.  However, we all have our health, our lives or ours.

My biggest problem these days are dealing with my hearing loss and my mental state, which is not always where I want it to be.  But everyone has baggage and I wouldn’t want someone else’s.  I miss my parents terribly.  I miss my father complaining, I miss my mothers silence.  I miss their presence.  I hope that when my time comes, I will have left positive things for my family to think of when thinking about me.  We only have one life or maybe two, I don’t know, but I don’t want to waste my life on jealousy, hatred or anger.

Well, two more days and my sabbatical is truly over and done with.  Thursday I return to work and a new office.  Should be interesting as I also return for my last semester in College on Wednesday evening to complete the certificate program.

If I said I wasn’t anxious, it would be a lie.  I’m worried about how my lack of hearing will hinder my work.  Yea, yea, I have a hearing aid, unfortunately, hearing people don’t understand that we don’t get 20/20 hearing with the aids.  Funny how people are so willing to accept glasses but not hearing aids.

It’s so difficult and tiring to explain to people why you can hear the sounds but can’t make them out.   That your speech discrimination sucks big time but u hear sounds when they are speaking.  That repeating what they said totally doesn’t help you and that rephrasing means exactly that, rephrasing and not repeating exactly what they said four times previously.

That not everyone who has a hearing problem can lipread and not everyone that has a hearing problem is eligible for or wants a cochlear implant.  That just because I don’t hear well, does not mean u should say “never mind” when I ask u to rephrase.

Okay, I won’t get myself worked up about this.  I’ll return to work, do my job, do it very well and come home and have a life.  I actually love my job. It’s just that the higher ups tend to have this way of thinking that numbers are more important than children.  But I’ll do what I always do, I’ll continue to do what I do best and that is, working with the parents, the teachers and the children.

So, what level am I taking all this to? I plan to keep my cool, not get emotional, not make it personal and to do my job well.   It’s a whole new level of awareness.

Things I’ve discovered, things I’ve enjoyed/learned, stuff I didn’t enjoy and still have not learned and all are not necessarily in any order as presented below:

  1. Truly enjoyed going to college
  2. Enjoyed hanging with good friends
  3. Absolutely in awe watching lightning strike in the distance
  4. Happy spending a rainy day with nothing to do
  5. Occasionally taking naps in the afternoon
  6. Enjoyed listening to the rain
  7. I actually liked not feeling I have to be scheduled to do things all the time
  8. Enjoying projects in jewelry making, especially with friends
  9. Drinking wine
  10. Being alone
  11. Noticing the clouds
  12. Accepting that I am not high maintenance but very capable of being in that state of mind
  13. I loved the Anatomy class I took last year.  I am absolutely in awe with the information I learned
  14. I am a good person and I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness
  15. Being alone and drinking wine is healthy
  16. That I have terrific kids
  17. That I must surround myself with friends who have positive energy vs. people who are constantly negative with their lives.
  18. There are people, not many, but there are special people out there who can heal others in different ways than we are accustom to.
  19. Music must be part of my life as long as I can hear it and if a day comes where I will not be able to hear it, I’ll feel it.
  20. It’s important to have dreams
  21. That aging and old age do not have to be as frightening as my parents have convinced themselves it is.
  22. My circle of women friends is of utmost importance to me and I am so lucky to be surrounded by these special women
  23. Patience, something I never had and sometimes still don’t have, but trying
  24. Judging people, something I am very quick to do and still do but I am trying not to
  25. Complaining less about anything I have no plans on changing.  If I can’t change something or won’t change something, then whats the purpose in complaining?
  26. That a decade is not so far off and that a decade past was not that long ago
  27. That life is too short to not have a sense of humor
  28. I should have carried my camera with me wherever I went. So many pics that should have been taken on the spot.
  29. I still don’t enjoy yoga probably because I don’t understand it
  30. I let my hair grow and finally like it
  31. That I still hate cleaning even with more time to do it
  32. I didn’t read enough
  33. I didn’t spend that much less time on the computer
  34. Did not enjoy memorizing material for an exam or writing papers (just like old times)
  35. I didn’t do more than 1/4 of my “TO DO” list during the year which I wrote before my sabbatical started.
  36. I didn’t go to many museums and shows and should have
  37. I should have learned to swim even though I took a class and several over my lifetime
  38. I should have pursued playing an instrument
  39. I still dislike the people I disliked

I guess the only thing to add is that I know when the time comes, I’m going to love retirement.  Just wish I didn’t have to return to work for seven more years to get there.

As I grow nearer to my return to work, I find myself doing things in preparation for it.  I’m almosted surprised at my acceptance to returning.  On the other hand, I just read about Randy Pausch passing away today.  He was 47 and had the most unbelievable positive attitude about life and his impending death of pancreatic cancer.  How do we adapt to having his focus, fortitude, and upbeat attitude about life and our journey?  He’s just unbelievable!  Can’t help but wonder, is he real?  He was truly remarkable.

Take some time out and watch his LAST LECTURE:

As long as school is out, I’m still on a sabbatical.  Hard to believe I’ll be returning to work in about a month.  I have been questioning, what has changed about me over the past year? I would like to think that some things about me have changed.  I tend to be very aware of my feelings but I’m not sure if anything about me has changed.

I want to believe I’ve learned to be tolerant and have the ability to keep my anger and differences under wrap.  I do know one thing, I’ve learned that I am a very capable, trustworthy and good person.  I can do whatever I put my mind to, but I allow myself to be way too lazy and slack off.

I love to learn new things, enjoy learning jewelry making, interested in learning to paint and/or sketch.   I love music and wish I could play it the way Nate plays it.  I just don’t have the ears for it nor the raw talent to be musical. I do however, have the ability to carry a tune when singing some of my favorite songs.

I don’t necessarily wish I were younger but I know I don’t want to grow older with the problems I have witnessed between my families. There are so many more things I want on a personal level but have yet to reach those goals and am not sure if I ever will in this lifetime. 

New legislation is being put on the table which will require closed captioning on some internet videos.  Reading various sites, I see that many technology people are against closed captioning on the internet.  They feel the government will now get their hands on regulating and setting fines for videos not captioned.

 At first, I was very much for the legislation.  But rethinking it all and reading on the comments and criticisms on the subject, I wonder, do we really want the government watching everyone on You Tube and regulating it?  Do people on Vblog want their videos captioned?   Do u really want the government controlling the internet?  This is how people are responding to this piece of legislation.

Naturally, as a hearing impaired person, I want access.  All I wanted were for the videos on news based sites to caption their videos, candidates online to caption their videos, advertisers to caption their videos.   Naturally, there are many ways to caption our own videos with lots of free software out there for us.  So who should be taking the responsibility for this?

Here’s the legislation that is being presented and causing an uproar in the technology world on the internet:   What do u think?