A Radical Sabbatical

Lately, I’ve been thinking about life and whats important.  And every time I decide that work should not rule our lives, u have to stop and ask yourself, who has that luxury these days or on any given year?

I never would have believed it if someone told me prior to my sabbatical, I would adjust very well to being home and having free time.   However, I would have never believed that I would enjoy my free time as much as I have.   I feel the end of my year closing in on me and I’m frightened.  I’m trying hard to not allow the negatives affect my today.

School has not been as exciting as it was last semester.  However, I am enjoying   hearing the other students speak about their experiences working in the field with children on the spectrum. 

My jewelry making class is awesome and has truly been the highlight of my year. I love hanging out with my friends and taking in the city.  Its just been great.  We all recently decided to take another class that would take us thru the end of June.  I hope to learn so much more.

As I mentioned in a previous post, a close friends husband died while on vacation.  Its been so hard to watch the family go thru the pain and loss.  I think about them day and night and feel helpless.  No one can fill the void that they are left with.  The sudden loss of a father and a husband.  One minute the person is here…..the next second they are gone.   People say, this is life.  I say, it’s unfair.  It’s a lousy deal to hand someone.

On the radical side of things, I did not accomplish my goal to lose some weight. Of course I still have time to focus on it, but I was hoping to lose all my weight by the summer time and we are quickly approaching the summer. 

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Watching friends lose their aging parents is always hard but when you lose a friend to an unexpected death, the loss is devastating.   We are are four couples who travelled together, celebrated together and shared our most intimate secrets.  Most recently, our group of 8 became 7.   Two of the couples recently went on vacation. A bit of snorkeling, some good wine and beautiful walks.   I received an email from H telling me she could not believe what a wonderful place it was and they were having fun.

Yesterday, I received a call, H’s husband died, either a heart attack or an aneurism. We were devastated.  How could this be? 60 years young.   I felt as though a part of my life had been ripped out from under me.   Obviously, the death made me think of how close we all are to not knowing when and where it can happen.   But losing a loved one is so frightening.   It makes me realize how unprepared I am for it and how unprepared we are as a couple.

L was truly a good soul.  Funloving, down to earth and a good friend to all those who sought his friendship.  I will miss him terribly.  I will miss his understanding of me, I will miss seeing him smile when he’s with H, I will miss seeing him with us when we are four couples.  But most of all, I will just miss his being around.

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Okay, I know its time to write whats been going on but its been making me very anxious.  I guess the idea that its now April and I’m moving closer to returning to work has me so filled with anxiety. 

School has not been a joy this semester.  I so enjoyed last semester but mainly because it was more challenging.  This semester is all papers no tests.  Writing papers has never been my thing and its even less so, now.  I had a bit of an incident in the classroom the other day.  The Professor was lecturing and the girl next to me and I were reading each others projects.  Clearly, we should not have been reading, we should have been paying attention to the lecture.  There are 15 students in the class, so the teacher will notice anyone who is not paying attention.   Suddently, I heard the Professor screeching at us, “what do you think you’re doing?”    I of course, did not bother answering as I was in shock that she took the road of the neurotic professor.   On the other hand, my peer turned to her and said, we’re reading each others projects.  With that the Professor went off on us and could not refocus on the lesson.

Now mind you, I am older than this Professor but I felt she could have handled the matter differently.  She could have just said, ladies, this is not the time to do this, please put it away.  Afterall, this was not an elementary school this was a graduate program.   I realized at that moment, that people on the hierachy in College are no different than the people in the DOE (where I work).   I would not be the least bit surprised if this woman deducted 5 points from our final grade.  In our syllabus she wrote, no reading in the classroom.   hmmm, imagine that. 

So, school this semester is not exactly what I would have liked it to be but I am learning a great deal about children on the spectrum.  Now my silver jewelry class is awesome.  It has really opened me up to being creative and I actually enjoy making the jewelry.  I’m having problems with soldering but I’m hoping to get the hang of it with more practice.

My parents have been fortunate with the weather this winter as its allowed them to continue going to the senior center.  However, my moms dementia is just awful.  Her physical deterioration is becoming more and more noticeable and her loss of bodily functions very difficult.   I’m never sure whether to be grateful that she is unaware of things or not.  

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