A Radical Sabbatical

Oh man, learning to swim is so not easy.  I can’t seem to get the rhythm of using my arms, paddling my feet and bringing my head up for air all at the same time and without swallowing water.  I was never good at multi-tasking.  And swimming seems to be the ultimate multi-tasking event I’ve been confronted with in a long time.   Well actually, thats not true.  I multi-task daily, but with my head above water.

I couldn’t help but wonder how swimming first started out?  Who figured out how to swim and who came up with all the strokes?  Did the caveman jump in the lake and suddenly realize he needed to use his arms so that he wouldnt drown?  Did Moses swim across the ocean before he parted the water?  

I actually swam across the pool today, using a board and fins.  Jeesh! those fins have you flying across the water.  I actually learned to use the board, keep my head in the water, use one arm at a time letting go of the board and bringing my head up for air.  It all went fine until the teacher took my board away.  Than I swallowed enough water to go thru detox.  Getting water in your lungs is no fun but I tolerated the event. 

My teacher threatened to be tough with me next week if I didn’t swim without the board across the pool.   Hmmm, he’s gonna get tough with me?  what does that mean? put me in the kiddie pool next time?  make me wear nose plugs maybe?  Jeesh! I can’t imagine what he meant by that statement but all I know is I still want to dive into the pool at the deep end.   I’ll probably never be Esther Williams but then again, Esther Williams will never be me.

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Why aren’t there rules for how many questions make up a quiz?  How can three pages of questions, fill ins and diagrams be considered a “quiz?”   I can’t wait to see what the midterm in two weeks will look like?  and why do we have to get a midterm?  If the first quiz was on everything we learned up to that point and the second quiz is from the first quiz up to the second quiz, why bother with a midterm when we’ve already answered questions on everything we’ve learned?

There outta be rules!  There outta be laws banning a three page test being called a quiz. I can tell u one thing, after everyone handed in their papers there was about three minutes of silence.  No one said a word.  You could have heard a dead flea dropped on the floor (except for me of course).  Every student in that class had a look on their face of having sunk deep into the floor of the ocean.

I mean come on Professors, its bad enough we students have to deal with bad cafeteria food, smelly bathrooms that need toilet paper and rooms without a/c.    I knew today was going to be a bad day when I realized I put my underwear on inside out.  I mean that was like putting a “kineahora” on me (aka: jinx).   I think I’m about ready to graduate college!

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It’s been a most interesting weekend away from home.  We (meaning the family), went up to Toronto, Canada for a family wedding.  One might have also been able to say this was a family re-union of sorts.  You see, when I was growing up on the lower east side and then in Queens, my parents would often take us to Toronto and Rochester to visit our only extended family.  The Freedmans were my father’s first cousins.  I’m still not sure how we’re related to the Rochester Zysman family but it really doesn’t matter, because we are whether we are or not.

Being that I grew up in a home without grandparents, uncles or aunts, these people in Toronto & Rochester/Buffalo were the only extended family I had.  I considered all the children my first cousins (knowing they weren’t).   They too would come down to New York and we were always together for happy occassions.  I remember flying to Toronto on a whim, just wanting to get away from NYC and hang with my cousins.

Over time, the natural course of life took over.  I visited with them less and less and celebrated less and less good times with them.  They had their families, I had mine.  Our parents had second homes in Florida near one another but with time, they all grew old and eventually, the visits stopped due to the aging process taking over the mind and the body.   But I always thought of my adopted uncles and aunts. Unfortunately, two of them are very removed from the family and so communication stopped.  But Jack and Salla mean a great deal to me as the parents were very close and we grew up with their children.

Re-uniting this weekend and seeing those I have not seen in years was exciting.  Suddenly, we were no longer the kids at the kids table.  We were no longer making fun of our parents dancing on the dance floor.  Suddenly, looking around me, my kids, my cousins kids (all in their 20’s), were getting to know each other and it was as if I were looking into a mirror and now I was the one on the dance floor looking at the kids sitting at the tables.

I cried after approaching my “aunt” because she didn’t know who I was. She could not recall my name though her husband did.  He looked very sad and almost embarrassed by what time has done to him and his wife.  I tried to tease him as I use to do years ago, but he looked at me with his sad eyes and said in Yiddish, “Pearl,nothing is what it was, she’s not (points to his wife) and I am not (pointing to himself).” 

I should have come years ago, I should have made a point of being around more often.  I should have realized that this was the only extended family I really have.  I should have been less self-centered and more attuned to the aging process that would inevitably take its toll.  But all those years ago, I didn’t believe that time changes people.  Now, time has passed and the clock ticks ever so slowly on them and they no longer remember who I am or why I am here……it’s all so sad!  and its life and I know it doesn’t have to be oh so sad but it is because they are.

We can put men and women on the moon, we can scan our bodies with special equipment for early cancer detection so why can’t we make growing old a bit more pleasant for those who are so sad and suffering? 

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What a day!  My brain could not handle anymore studying….two tests tomorrow, one midterm and one “regular” test.  Well, I so happened to be on campus today because my dad finally decided to get hearing aids and I was taking him to the people I trust most. After two and a half hours of personal attention, my father agreed to purchase two oticon go hearing aids.   In anycase, I ran into my Professor who is having a proctor give us the midterm tomorrow nite.  Due to the Jewish Holidays, the Professor will not be there.  Anyway, she asked me if I was prepared for the midterm and I told her that my brains were trying to hold onto information for two tests tomorrow and why can’t the professors coordinate tests on different days?   She laughed. Ten minutes later, she approached me and offered me to take the midterm with the religious students on Sunday the  14th of October.  My response was, “but I’m not religious and I don’t feel right doing that.”    She shrugged her shoulders and said okay.   The minute she walked away, it was like a light bulb went off in my head………….PEARL, THE PROF OFFERED YOU AN OUT SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON SPANISH HONEY! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE “A”. So I ran after her and asked if I could still take her up on the offer and she said sure.  I thanked her …….profusely! and maybe a bit too much…..but I was grateful for her kindness.   When I walked back to my father he said to me in yiddish, is that one of the students?  I said, that’s my Professor.  With which he responded, zee is zayear shain a bissel yink. ze can zain aiyer tuchtour.

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IT SUCKS!

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I whole heartedly feel sad for college and high school kids these days.  They are so stressed to the max on trying to figure out what it is they want to do with their life?  In reality, there is no one career that we are made for.  We can certainly find that we are interested in two if not three or four career paths in our life.

The problem is, we don’t necessarily discover these options until we are several years down the road into our “chosen” path.   I mean, come on, does a 15 year old really know exactly what it is they want to be for the rest of there life or even a 20 year old?  And is it realistic for them to have blinders on during their four years in college focusing only on one path?

Years ago, high school supposedly prepared us for something, not sure what but some line of work.  Not everyone who graduated high school went onto college, but it was always a wise choice to make and still is.

The last decade has seen major stresses put on high school kids to not only perform academically but to have a good idea of their path for college.  Kids are uploading their schedules with volunteer work (to show the college admissions office that you have a good heart), A.P. classes (to show you have the smarts), SAT scores in the 1550-1600 range (to show that you were majorly tutored),  and spent your summers during high school in college prep programs or in Africa or China (to show the college admissions office that you have money).  I mean, could u imagine if no one ever had tutoring or extracurricular activities or attended summer programs? Maybe for once we would see how students fair.  But god forbid parents allowed that to happen….lol

Than you go to college and spend four to five years of your life in what you think you want to do because everyone has told you thats what you should do.  Everyone from your teachers, advisors, family and your career tests.

I’m 54 years old now and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  But what I have finally discovered is that I am good at and very interested in more than just social work.

When I attended high school, you couldn’t get me to stay in a classroom.  There was nothing more that I hated than sitting through algebra (just show me how to balance a check book and use a credit card), science (disecting the frog didn’t teach me to tolerate being in the kitchen well), english (not language arts, not communication art but good ole english), workshops (sewing class, cooking class and woodworking) and gym.  Oh man how I hated gym.  Those blue uniforms and the teachers telling us to jump the horse and walk the beam.  I was never coordinated enough to do those things in high school.

College however, was a different story.  I never knew what I wanted to be in my first three years of college other than to major in socializing and hanging out in the student government office.   I did not have many choices but to either graduate with a liberal arts degree, drop out or major in something that would give me a masters as well.  I wanted something that would get me out of school fast with the least amount of time spent in school, and because I was good at all the volunteer work I did at that time, I chose Social Work. 

Looking back now, there would not have been too many choices for me.  But at this point in my life, the here and now, I am envious of all the choices college students have at their fingertips.   That doesn’t mean to say that they will know who or what they want to be but career paths are different now then 30 years ago.  The choices are at an abundance.

Over the past two to three years I’ve discovered that I have a real knack for many new and exciting fields out there.  Career paths that would just thrill me and give me less agita than I have at my current workplace.  Deep down in my heart though, I know that I am good at working with the families I work with. I have what it takes for being resourceful and discovered that I can be resourceful not just in social work but in many other areas of life.  I’ve also discovered that I am interested in other things besides work and soap operas.  I am  learning to swim and get over my fear of water.  I am writting blogs, learning more about the mechanics of computers from Adams’ educational programs at www.thefattytalks.com/technology-education/  and reading more.

Life is certainly full of surprises and discovering that I actually like anatomy at this point in my life has just blown me away. I feel blessed to have options and I can only hope that others feel the same way.  I guess this is exactly the reason why (can you hear the violins playing) thousands of people will risk their lives crossing deserts in extreme heat or swim oceans to come to the U.S.   We have something they want and its not just the money, its the options we take for granted that others would die for. 

I’ve never felt I have more options than I do at this point in life. I have good friends that I’ve chosen very carefully to be involved with, great family (who I haven’t exactly chosen..lol), a husband I love and care for endlessly, children (who are now young adults) and who I adore and would die for, and I surround myself with people who love me and I love.  What more can you ask for?  College should be viewed as a special part of your life.  A time for socializing and learning.  A time for independence and yearnings.  A time to pick and choose and focus on something that will take u to the next level in your life, until you’re ready to move on again.

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