I feel absolutely deflated, exhausted and frustrated.  I feel as though I am watching myself in a movie. I have amnesia and cannot remember who I am or why I am here. Life suddenly feels weird and different. Spending your whole weekend studying after not being in classes for close to 30 years can do that to you. 

Six hours at the college library studying yesterday and all day today studying at home.  I don’t think I spent this much time studying during my five years attending college.  Then again, who had time to study back then.  Clearly, I feel invested in studying.    Today, I switched from studying the textbook to reviewing my notes, the power points and the CD (which I discovered in the back of the textbook today).  However, I just cannot absorb all this material.  I can’t even absorb enough to think I may pass.  Anatomy is a tough course but I don’t regret taking it.  Its starting to feel  as though I’m in a pre-med class.  Its a wonder that I even remember what I ate for breakfast this morning let alone thinking about how the food goes down and what happens in the process.  This is exactly what I am trying to do.  Think it all through, logically!

It’s mind boggling to remember the internal and external intercostal muscles.  or which direction the posterior cricoarytenoid goes to create vibrations, or naming the nine pairs of cartilages in the layrnx, having to remember words like: serratus posterior, sternocleidomastoid (yep, thats one word), rhomboideus major and minor, thyroartenoid, mylohyoid, sternothyroid, laryngeal depressors and elevators, the bernoulli effect, boyle’s law, what makes up the nasal cavity (besides the septum folks!), what four bones articulate from the lacrimal bones, and many other questions.    WHEWWWWWWWW!  I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over and theres so much more to learn.    This is turning into a radically intense moment.   But hey! I’m on a sabbatical and I have no regrets just wish I had a better memory.  I even made Ed look at the guidelines today (for the second time) from the UFT concerning the classes I take.  I specifically asked him to read it aloud and make sure that I correctly read that “one need not pass the course.”   Thank god for unions!

The truth of the matter is, we (meaning the older generation aka: baby boomers) are not use to being evaluated on everything we do.  So returning to the classroom and being tested every two weeks  is a bit intimidating.  I mean lets face it,  the syllabus states there will be a “quiz” every two weeks than a midterm. Than again quizzes every two weeks than another midterm, one more quiz, than a final.  Does this sound rational?  Two midterms?  Actually, is this anyway to learn?

I understand the Professor is trying to make sure she fits in all the coursework within a specific timeframe, but the real question is are the students learning and/or gaining anything? Are they developing a true understanding of the beauty of how speech works?    I truly doubt it.  Of course there’s always one or two students who have the capabilities of memorizing it all and getting 100’s on all the tests.  But are they learning? 

I so happen to feel that Anatomy of Speech, Language and Hearing is amazing!  It’s a museum of art and movement.  We go through all the motions without even realizing it.  Maybe I have a certain appreciation for it because I work in the field of deafness and hearing impairments. Or maybe its just because of my age?

After learning whats involved in the whole process (even though I may not remember it all), the fact that sound can come out of our mouths is just mind boggling and takes my breath away (which means my vocal folds are wide open and a bit strained)  lol!   This is life and I am getting the opportunity to stop and look at it.  Maybe the answer for me, is to just sit back and learn, take it all in, and not feel pressured by the Professors obligation to test us, evaluate us and judge our knowledge based on a grade. 

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One Response to “Feeling radically pooped!”
  1. Matthew C. Krian says:

    Heyy, Found your blog on Google and I am so glad I did! Keep it up! =)

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