A Radical Sabbatical

It’s been a most interesting weekend away from home.  We (meaning the family), went up to Toronto, Canada for a family wedding.  One might have also been able to say this was a family re-union of sorts.  You see, when I was growing up on the lower east side and then in Queens, my parents would often take us to Toronto and Rochester to visit our only extended family.  The Freedmans were my father’s first cousins.  I’m still not sure how we’re related to the Rochester Zysman family but it really doesn’t matter, because we are whether we are or not.

Being that I grew up in a home without grandparents, uncles or aunts, these people in Toronto & Rochester/Buffalo were the only extended family I had.  I considered all the children my first cousins (knowing they weren’t).   They too would come down to New York and we were always together for happy occassions.  I remember flying to Toronto on a whim, just wanting to get away from NYC and hang with my cousins.

Over time, the natural course of life took over.  I visited with them less and less and celebrated less and less good times with them.  They had their families, I had mine.  Our parents had second homes in Florida near one another but with time, they all grew old and eventually, the visits stopped due to the aging process taking over the mind and the body.   But I always thought of my adopted uncles and aunts. Unfortunately, two of them are very removed from the family and so communication stopped.  But Jack and Salla mean a great deal to me as the parents were very close and we grew up with their children.

Re-uniting this weekend and seeing those I have not seen in years was exciting.  Suddenly, we were no longer the kids at the kids table.  We were no longer making fun of our parents dancing on the dance floor.  Suddenly, looking around me, my kids, my cousins kids (all in their 20’s), were getting to know each other and it was as if I were looking into a mirror and now I was the one on the dance floor looking at the kids sitting at the tables.

I cried after approaching my “aunt” because she didn’t know who I was. She could not recall my name though her husband did.  He looked very sad and almost embarrassed by what time has done to him and his wife.  I tried to tease him as I use to do years ago, but he looked at me with his sad eyes and said in Yiddish, “Pearl,nothing is what it was, she’s not (points to his wife) and I am not (pointing to himself).” 

I should have come years ago, I should have made a point of being around more often.  I should have realized that this was the only extended family I really have.  I should have been less self-centered and more attuned to the aging process that would inevitably take its toll.  But all those years ago, I didn’t believe that time changes people.  Now, time has passed and the clock ticks ever so slowly on them and they no longer remember who I am or why I am here……it’s all so sad!  and its life and I know it doesn’t have to be oh so sad but it is because they are.

We can put men and women on the moon, we can scan our bodies with special equipment for early cancer detection so why can’t we make growing old a bit more pleasant for those who are so sad and suffering? 

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 at 1:36 am and is filed under Life, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.